


Connor Is Damaged

by jarediscronchtastic



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Angst, Connor is JD, Evan is Veronica, Heathers AU, M/M, Meant to be yours au, Suicide, connor is mean, it was late so it sucks, quick trash, wrote this a while ago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 18:38:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15668970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jarediscronchtastic/pseuds/jarediscronchtastic
Summary: So this is a really short fic I wrote where Connor is JD and Evan is Veronica.  It takes place during the Meant To Be Yours and the Dead Girl Walking (reprise) scenes.





	Connor Is Damaged

Evan trembles, hiding in his closet as Connor pounded at the door.  “Come on, babe,” he sings, rapping at the door again with his knuckles.  “Prom is tonight and I know you have a nice suit, so put it on for me sweets and we can go!”

 

_ No, no, no, please, please go away.  Please. _  The closet felt like it was shrinking, closing in on Evan as Connor’s honeyed words drifted through the thin wooden door separating the two.  

 

Connor huffs, and Evan can hear him sliding to the floor, sitting with his back against the door.   _ I’m trapped, I’m gonna die, oh my god. _  He couldn’t even breathe, his face and palms were starting to sweat from nerves.   _ I’m so screwed. _

 

“I know things with the popular assholes, like my stupid sister and her friends, they messed everything up.  Everyone else basically worships them, thank  _ god _ we killed Zoe’s stupid best friend, whatever the hell her name was.  Next is Zoe, obviously, and perhaps her little suicidal friend, Alana.  How about that, huh? Then we can move onto the other jerks,  _ maybe _ leave behind the last few good ones.” 

 

_ Oh my god, was Connor planning on murdering the entire school? _  It was getting increasingly harder to breathe, and Evan fears that another breath could startle Connor, so it was best to stay as silent as possible.  

 

“Those popular kids, man, they ruin lives, you know?”  Connor continued, and Evan could just picture him flailing his arms around exaggeratedly.  “And then when you fucking  _ left  _ me to be with  _ her _ , well, I sure as hell wasn’t happy.  I beat her around a bit, to teach her a lesson, you know?  And boy, I sure was pissed at  _ you. _  Dammit, Ev, I was prepared to KILL YOU!!”  Connor sighs, lowering his voice. “But it’s okay, I forgive you.”

 

Evan flinches, hugging his knees close to his chest as he tries to calm himself down unsuccessfully.  

 

“Anyway, I’ve been messing around in chem, yeah?  I made a bomb, we’re gonna blow that shithole up, and it’ll just be me and you!”  

 

_ Holy.. oh god.   _ Evan felt sick, racking his brain for something,  _ anything  _ he could do to get out of this.  

 

“Just, please, Evan, don’t leave me alone now, okay?  I’m so close, we can make this world a better place  _ together _ .”  Connor stands up, and it sounds like he is pacing the room, the floorboards creaking here and there.  “I forged an email, that’s kinda your specialty, no? Anyway, I did it, and I got your little friend Jared to help me hack into the emails of the whole school to agree, but what they  _ thought _ they were signing was a petition to fire what’s-her-name, that trig teacher everyone hates, but really..”  

 

With a dramatic ‘ahem,’ a crinkling of paper was heard.  “I printed it out, just to have, yeah? Anyway, here’s what I got.  Plus, I’m sure you could’ve helped me make something much better, but I had to work with what I got.  Alright, here we go: ‘We the students will die today, let us hope that our corpses will finally get through to you, those who have ignoring us for far too long.  Goodbye.’ and then it’s signed off by all the students we hacked!”

 

It was all too much for Evan, he couldn’t even believed he had fallen in love with someone this psychotic.  Tears were streaming down his face and he could hardly keep himself from crying out in fear, but he bit his tongue to stay silent.  

 

“Evan!”  Connor screams suddenly, pounding again at the door.  “Open up, let me in! It’ll all be okay!” Ragged breathing follows, and Connor jiggles the doorknob again, despite the fact that he had tried before, knowing it was locked.  “Please, I don’t want to fight anymore, okay?” Connor’s voice sounds small, like a child’s now, and Evan almost wants to leave the closet and hug him, breathing him in, telling him it would all be alright.   _ Almost. _ “I know you’re nervous, that’s okay, but we can do this if we do it together!”

 

Panic rose in Evan’s throat, and he realised what he had to do.  Searching hopelessly in the closet, he found an idea. Hastily pulling sheets from various shelves, he ties them together quickly.  There was a hook on the ceiling from when they used to hang plants, but the plants had been long dead, and he never bothered to put any back in there.  Using all his will, he tosses the sheet-rope, thankfully it catches on the hook. He gives an experimental tug as he hears another knock from Connor. 

 

“Evan, I’m getting impatient,” Connor hums in a sing-song voice.  “Come out, babe!” 

 

He was breathing even harder now, shakily tying the sheets into a noose, not making it too tight.  

 

“I’m gonna bust down the door, we’re gonna be late!”

 

Evan hooks the loop around his neck, squeezing out a few more tears.  

 

“One…”

 

Staring at the door in the dark, Evan took one step off of the little chair he had used.

 

“Two..”

 

Another foot.

 

“Aw, fuck it!”

 

Evan’s eyes close, dipping his head down as the door is forced open.

There was a moment of silence.  Only the crickets could be heard.  

 

Finally, Connor spoke softly.  “E-Evan?”

 

Evan had never heard Connor sound so sad, so heartbroken…

 

“Evan, please, this isn’t funny!”  Connor’s voice rises a bit, his voice breaking.  “Evan!” He reaches out an arm to touch him, and Evan realises that it would all be over if Connor felt a pulse.  

 

Before anything could happen, the stairs in the distance squeaked, and Connor quickly scrambled out, probably heading to the window.

 

Evan didn’t dare open his eyes, just in case Connor somehow saw.

 

“Evan!”  A shriek escapes his mother’s lips.  

 

_ Shit! _ Evan’s eyes spring open, and he fumbles around behind his neck to help himself down.  “Mom! Mom, calm down, it was, uh, just a joke?”

 

“That’s  _ not  _ funny!”  Heidi glares at him through teary eyes, but they soften when they see the tears in Evan’s.  “Evie? What’s wrong?”

 

He couldn’t tell her, no, not yet, anyway.  “I’m sorry,” he whispers, pushing past her and flying down the stairs, ignoring her desperate calls after him.  

 

****

He burst through the school doors, breathless and cold as he forgot to grab a coat before heading out in a hurry.  

 

Evan crashes into Zoe, who turns to him with a pout.  “What’s  _ wrong  _ with you?  I heard you killed yourself!”  

 

_ News travels fast, eh? _ “Erm, fake news?” He offers with a shrug, shifting impatiently between his legs, wondering if there was even any time to save these people.  “Zoe, uhh, have you seen Connor?”

 

She snorts, tossing her long hair over her shoulder.  “He went to smoke some pot downstairs, I heard.”

 

“Right, thanks!”

 

His heart was racing as he scrambles to get to the basement, the place he knew where  _ everyone  _ went to smoke,  _ especially  _ Connor.

 

He arrives unnoticed, watching as Connor fidgets with something on pipes.  

 

The bass line from whatever pop music playing upstairs synced with Evan’s heavy, beating heart.  

 

Taking a shaky breath, he inches closer.  “G-get away from there,” he calls out, attempting to sound as brave as possible.

Connor whips around, his face paler than usual.  Evan takes a step back, but Connor chuckles. “Yeah, I  _ thought _ that noose didn’t seem right.”  He strides closer, cupping Evan’s face in his hands as tears pricked his eyes all over again.  “You’re a coward, aren’t you,” he coos, then plants a kiss on his forehead before shoving him against the wall.  “Get out of my way, or help me!”

 

“N-n-no, please, Con, don’t do this!”  Evan begs, struggling to remain even slightly strong.  “We can walk away from this, it’ll all be okay!”

 

“This is what I’m meant to do, baby,” Connor growls, getting back to his work.  

 

_ Ugh.   _ “No, it’s not!”  Evan insists, stumbling over to him.  

 

Connor’s hand strikes across his face while simultaneously grabbing his collar.  

 

Evan whimpers, tears falling to the concrete floor.  “Please,” he squeaks, trying to stand on shaking legs.

 

Connor raises his hand again, and Evan flinches, preparing for the next blow.  Instead, Connor’s lips were on his, pushing him back up against the wall, pinning him there as he kicked Evan’s shins repeatedly.

 

In a panic, Evan reached around for whatever he could, his hands grasping an X-acto blade before crumpling to the ground.

 

Sighing angrily, Connor turned around again, setting the final wires in place, pressing the button to start the bomb.

 

It took all of Evan’s strength, but he managed to stand again, hurrying back over to Connor, driving the blade into his shoulder without a second thought.

 

“Oh, fuck!”  Connor screams, clutching at the gaping wound, blood seeping through his clothes, staining his hand.

 

Evan wants to be sorry, but he shouldn’t have to apologise, right?  Finding a bit more courage, he grabbed the timer, turning back to Connor pleadingly.  “How do I stop it?”

 

Connor just laughs, then coughs up a bit of blood, groaning.  “Th-the blue one.”

 

There were four blue ones, thirty seconds left.  “Which one?”

 

“Heh, it doesn’t matter.”

 

“What do you mean, it doesn’t matter?”  Evan stares back at him, eyes wide with fear.

 

“Don’t worry about it.  I promise, the second one is the one to press, if you really want to save these assholes.”

 

Either way, Evan knows he’s going to die, and likely so will his school mates.   _ Screw it.   _ His finger presses the button firmly, praying he doesn’t blow up.  

 

Opening an eye, he sees the time has stopped with only four seconds left.   _ Thank god. _

 

He goes back to Connor, who quickly shoves him to the ground, his head slamming on the floor.  

 

Connor races out, out of Evan’s view.  

 

Breathing heavily, Evan stands, trying to chase after Connor with a crazy concussion, the world spinning as he ran.

 

The bright light of the outside stings his eyes as he nearly trips down the steps to see Connor just standing there.

 

Connor walks over, one hand on his shoulder, the other balled in a fist.  Evan finds with a heavy heart that he has no energy left, so he stays standing.  

 

A bloody hand holds the side of his face, Connor kissing him deeply.  It was odd, the way how it felt like it was so passionate, like Connor actually cared about him again, like the way it was in the beginning.  

 

Suddenly, Connor pushes Evan away.  “Run,” he whispers, and Evan can see tears in his eyes.  

 

Evan does as he is told, not knowing why, but he does it nonetheless.  

 

Connor stays where he was, pulling off his sweatshirt with great pain, revealing bombs tied to his chest.  

 

_ Oh my god. _

 

“I was damaged,” he calls out, running a hand through his hair.  “I still am, but you made me better, Evan, you make things better!”

 

“No, Connor-” Evan starts to get closer, but a glare from Connor makes him stay in place. 

 

“You’re so much better than me, and you can make this world a better place, starting with letting me go, the worst of them all.”

 

“Connor!”  Evan screams, his hand fumbling for his phone to call for the police.

 

“I love you!” Connor yells, then closes his eyes.  “Goodbye.”

 

“NO!”  Evan screams, but the noise is covered by the explosion.

 

He shields his face with his hands as the ashes cloud around him, fires roaring.  

 

_ I’m sorry, this wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t tell you how the others bullied me, causing you to get angry and seek revenge… I’m sorry I’m weak, I’m not as strong as you… and now.. you’re gone.   _

 

Evan wipes his eyes, staring helplessly at a scrap of fabric that still lingered, a few of them, sitting innocently in a pile of ash.  Slowly, he creeps towards the pile, and with shaking fingers, he plucks it from the ground, pocketing it. Sniffling, Evan crouches beside the pile, curling up in the dust.  He didn’t care what people would say or think, finding him like this. People would make assumptions, that he killed Connor, surely Zoe would be devastated once she heard the news, wouldn’t she?  No, Evan was too destroyed to care. Closing his eyes, he lets the tears roll from his filthy cheeks onto the ground.

 

_ I loved you… I’m sorry, Connor. _

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh, thanks for reading, hope you liked it! I know, this idea is rather old, isn’t it? This was from months ago, and I just decided, “what the heck” I’ll publish it. 
> 
> -Jared


End file.
